I fell in love once and till this day I think she’s my soul mate. Our break up completely tore me apart. And I haven’t been the same since. I guess, it all started before that when our relationship was in a rut. The insecurities and all that negative energy kicked in. Being in love and especially at such a young age drove me insane. I was in a dark place for a very long time. I’m ashamed of a lot of things I’ve done. But I guess the point I’m trying to get to here is that after everything that happened with her I just completely changed myself. I don’t let anyone in. I push people away when I start to get feelings. I’m a bitch or I fuck up and some times it seems like I almost do it on purpose. I’d rather hurt than to get hurt. It’s a fucked up mentality, I know.
Everything seems to be falling apart in my life right now. I can’t stay focused on school anymore which used to be my main priority. My head is cluttered with the million thoughts that haunt me. I feel so superficial most of the time, and I feel as if I know who I really am behind it all, yet I can’t seem to break away from it all. I’m so unhappy these days. I lie to myself just to get by. The worst part of it all is that I end up believing my own lies. I trick myself into thinking everything is okay and for a while it is. Then my conscious begins to speak to me when I’m all alone in my room thinking about life and I say to myself.. “what the fuck are you doing with your life?” I used to be such a loving, caring, selfless, happy person. Now, well.. I don’t even know what to say for myself.
I’ve lost myself. And there’s nothing more frustrating than doing so.
#life #wisdom #truth #reasons #dont #trust #people #know #them
you know that unexplainable sickish feeling where youre not really sick and you dont really have a headache but you just feel wrong and you cant get comfortable or find something that youre really into but you kinda feel too ill to sleep or eat its like your body saying “i dont know what i want you to do but this isnt it”
That’s called anxiety.
That explains at least half of my life then
The Guillemot is a seabird that lays its eggs on a bare rock ledge on a cliff face. When an egg is accidentally dislodged, its shape causes it to spin in a tight circle, which prevents it from falling off the ledge into the sea. (Springwatch - BBC)
Can we just take a moment to appreciate how fucking awesome this is?
These eggs no doubt started out like all other avian eggs, but they had the problem of rolling off the cliffs. The eggs that were slightly more oblong tended to roll off the cliffs less, and thus the genes contained in those eggs lived to be passed on. Fast forward a few million years, and BAM tight-circle eggs.
Naturally selected for your viewing pleasure.
Natural selection is a beautiful thing
it’s okay to cry. on We Heart It